A collection of poems by by Ralph Goldstein.

-- THE EPEEMAN --

The Epeeman, the Epeeman, in frayed and tattered gear
Can lick his weight in wildcats and can drink his weight in beer
And for the foil and sabreman he hasn't any fear
For he's a late edition of the dashing Musketeer.

His jacket's a wreck from many a peck of the sharpened pointe d'arret
His pants are torn, his nerves are worn and ears been ripped away;
But should you care to question him, you'll surely hear him say:
"I'm an Epeeman and I guess by damn I'll always be that way."

He'll drop his elbow out a bit and wait for your attack
But then he'll swiftly parry and he'll nail you going back,
But when he's got his point in line and thinks he's guarded well,
He never seems to see the touch that creeps around his bell.

At times he'll answer any feint. At other times he won't.
The time that he should answer is the one time that he don't.
He'll parry almost anything between his head and toes,
But still a simple stop-thrust is the best defense he knows.

You'll always find an Epeeman where the lovely ladies are,
Boasting of the fights he's had, and showing off his scar.
And see the lovely ladies as they hang on every word
For he can tell the tallest tales that you have ever heard!

The woe befell the Epeeman, he met the March of Time.
They wired him up for sound effect, with flashing light and chime
For now it’s just a battery that determines right from wrong,
And every touch is heralded by the chiming of the gong.

-- THE FOILSMAN --

The Foilsman likes to dance around on swiftly moving feet.
He spends long hours practicing to beat a quick retreat.
He lunges fifty times a day and sweats his youth away,
Until at last he wises up and learns to fence Epee.

-- THE SABREMAN --

The Sabreman, the Sabreman, is a thrilling sight to see.
He twirls his weapon 'round his head and hacks away with glee.
His savage heart is filled with joy to hear the steel at play,
But someday he'll be civilized and learn to fence Epee.

-- THE WOMEN --

And what about the women now
They're fencing mainly foil
They're getting tougher all the time
You've seen how hard they toil.

"That day will come," I hear them say
"With all the weapons we will play"
You can be sure the best of them
In time will fence Epee.